My eldest son Oliver has always had a very happy disposition. However, as a child, he was rather hard-headed. Always having his own ideas about almost everything, it wasn’t easy and sometimes impossible to convince him of something contrary to what he had in mind. He just knew what he wanted and followed through.
For instance, trying to explain to him why he had to learn something that was of no interest to him at the moment but necessary in order to pass his exam was most difficult. We would each fight for our way, although I knew I would most always lose.
Nevertheless, I have to grant him respect, as I learned many lessons from him. He was and is to this day one of my greatest teachers.
I remember when he was not more than five years old playing with Legos in his room. A neighbor’s kid came to ask if Oliver would come and play with him. Since we had just moved to this new place, I thought it was a great opportunity for Oliver to get acquainted with a new playmate. Oliver came to the door, looked at the boy very seriously, and said, “Yes, I will come as soon as I have finished playing Legos.” Then he turned around and got back to “business.”
I was baffled. I expected and wished he would immediately leave his toys and join the new friend. But thinking it over I realized, wow, my son has character!
Some years later Oliver needed teeth brackets. He was to wear them all night. Soon I found out that the moment I said goodnight and left his room, he would take them off. He said they were hurting him. I could not persuade him to wear them, even with my threat that he might have crooked teeth all his life. He only casually replied, “If God made me with crooked teeth, then I will have to live with crooked teeth.”
Again, I was baffled. He checkmated me. I had no idea how to respond. Yet again, in retrospect, I was deeply touched that my son had such a wonderful trust and confidence in God and in His guidance.
Another incident occurred in later years when Oliver became a computer scientist. I knew very little about computers and other such technological devices. Everything I know I have learned from him. However, I was a very bad student of new technology. I kept asking and asking the same questions again and again. Finally, Oliver told me in his quiet, matter-of-fact way, “You know, the reason you don’t seem to learn this stuff is because it doesn’t really interest you. It is the same as back in the days when I should have learned my French vocabulary and just never remembered them. I was not in the least bit interested in learning French.”
And how I remembered that! It was the very last time I lost my temper with my teenage son and banged the French book around my son’s ears before shouting at him and slamming the door to his bedroom on my way out. I was angry because I could see the consequences of not passing French, but that was not so for Oliver.
Over the years my son did find his own way in life. And now, he teaches me again, only this time it is by explaining to me why I don’t easily learn technology. I admiringly respond, “Yes, Oliver, how right you are. It is exactly the same with one difference. You can stay calm and patient and explain to me for the hundredth time how to work with the computer unlike how I got so angry at you for not wanting to learn French!”
Many years later after Oliver moved to Maui and I would visit him often, I used to inspire him with the upgrading of his house and garden. Upon my arrival, we would tour the garden and he would show me all the new additions. Being a typical Swiss, I would acknowledge his work and immediately add what it was still lacking. Guess what his answer was. “Yes, this is true, there is still a lot I can do. But you know, by focusing on the things I still have to do, you forget to see how much I have already done!” I almost felt like a lectured pupil, and again, I had to admit how right he was.
To top it all off, when my stay on Maui was coming to an end and I started to complain how I dreaded my long return flight: the long sitting around in airports, the uncomfortable seats and smells in the airplane and so forth, instead of getting a little comforting and compassion, which I might have hoped for, Oliver’s austere answer was, “Well, Mom, now you can apply all of what you are teaching to your students to yourself!” Oh boy, and I was such a strict teacher? Anyway, I got the point and to this day, I never again complain about my long travel but rather look at it as part of my price of traveling.
I take the advice and lectures from my adult son to heart. In fact, I appreciate them very much. The way he teaches me is always in a quiet way, in accordance with his happy disposition. It is never instructive in a negative way, very spontaneous, sometimes with dry humor, kind of beating me with my own weapon, letting me know that it is never too late to be a good student.
Thank you, Oliver!