The Other Side Of Fear

At last I was back on my beloved Maui/HI. The endless beaches, breathing in the salty air, the swaying palmtrees, the powerful ocean full of surprises, the scorching sunlight – fantastic! It felt so good to feel these elements again in this unique wild and intense form unlike any place else in the world where I have been.

I have been coming to Maui for quite a number of years, mostly during the winter months. This time I promised myself to go swimming more often.

And sure enough, I found myself on the way to the beach on the second day after my arrival. In my bathing suit, towel over my shoulders and slippers on my feet, the kind of flipflops which is Maui’s signiture, I drove to Baby Beach, the part on Baldwin Beach which is located at the west side of this beautiful stretch along the north shore of Maui.

A reef creating a pool so shallow that even children can stand in it make this part a popular place for families as well as less experienced swimmers as I was at that time. Maybe this is why this part of the beach is called „Baby Beach“. In relative savety you can enjoy the ocean with easy access going in and coming out of the water.

Watching the waves flush over the reef is a great view. It looks almost like a small waterfall. On the other hand when the waves are huge you can’t see the reef anymore and the pool turnes into a river, because there is only one way for the water to flow out, back to the open sea.

This makes it easy to let yourself carry in one direction with no effort but very hard to swim against it. So swimming against this currant is extreemly exhausing but gives you a great exercise

„Maybe I just stay in the Baby Pool and do some laps back and forth for exercise“, I thought to myself. „And only if conditions are really optimal I will dare to go out into the open ocean.“

But what means optimal? When are conditions optimal? The ocean is unpredictable, conditions change from calm to wild furious within a few hours. But what I was really afraid of was the surf coming unto the beach which made it quite tricky to get in and out of the water.

For several days I stayed in this pool and practiced swimming against the currant, which was a beautiful illustration for me for the saying: Learning is like swimming against the currant, if you stop, you fall back! Indeed, if I stopped swimming, the currant would pull me back.

Soon enough I was tired and my practice for the day was done. I left sometimes already after 20 minutes.

Then, one day, I was again struggling in the water. An older man smiled broadly at me, saying, „Quite a strong currant today!“. I nodded in agreement. The man was very tall, wearing a black wetsuit, black swimcap, his gogles and snorcel wrapped around his forhead.

We started a casual conversation and soon he introduced himself, „I am Tom. Where are you from?“ he asked me, detecting my accent. „I am Swiss“, I replied.

Tom laughed and pointed to a young lady close by, „She is also from Switzerland and currently visiting me“. I turned to the girl and we found out that we are from the same aerea in Switzerland. What a coincidence! We kept on talking and so I learned who Tom was. He invited me spontanously to join his movie night, which he was giving every Monday night at his studio. It would start with a potluck, followed by watchinng a movie and then discussion about it. I happily accepted, glad to be able to meet some more people. Being new on Maui I still was eager to get to know people and make my own friends.

So I learned that Tom was a well-known artist, doing sculpture, photography and movies.

Tom called it cerendipedy to get to know me. And from this first day on we became friends and we would meet regularly to go swimming.

I was not the only one who Tom „picked up“ at the beach. Jovial as he is, he would talk to anybody who gave him a smile back, but not many would follow his invitation to swim with him. But I became one of the regulars.

Then one day, Tom pointed out a young fellow and told me, „I have seen this guy before, I would like him to swim with us.“ And sure enough the two men started a conversation and asked me if I would join them to come out with them. The „come out“ referred to go out of the pool into the wide big ocean. This meant to give up the reef protected pool area, swim through a narrow channel, which was always rough because an underlying reef was producing turbulances on the water surface. And the shallow ground was full of sharp lava rocks around which one had to manoeuvre in order not to get hurt.

I looked out to the ocean, then looked back to the men with a hesitant look and replied, „I am not sure, I have never swam out from here before.“ „Oh, don’t worry,“ the young man said, „I will guide you, it is not difficult. Just stay right next to me.“ „Ok“, I replied. With this, I agreed to go a step up in my swimming skills and dare something, which took me out of my comfort zone. Tom was already on his way out. The younger man and I followed. He told me that he grew up on Maui and knew how to read the water very well.

It came to my mind that I was brave to trust a man, I did not know at all. But he radiated something that left me pretty secure. And since I have a good sense for people I could also trust my feelings. So I went to listen to his coaching me through the turbulances. He kept telling me when to wait a little, to let that high wave pass by, and then to hurry up a little, so we would make it before the next big swell would catch us. I understood the mechanism that waves came in sets, one set was larger than the next one. The trick was to avoid the big one and use the gentle one to pass through. Indeed, this way it seemed very easy. He also showed me which part was free from the underlying rocks and where I had to avoid going. I saw that Tom was drifting into the rocks and for a second I thought I should go and help him. But then I realized, that he was a much more experienced swimmer and would know how to get out of his unplesant situation. So I stayed with my mysterious guide, concentrating on where I was going. Soon enough the wide big ocean lay infront of us, deep blue and turquoise in colors, shiny and glistening from the sun. I took a deep breath, taking this all in, realizing I was out here surrounded by nothing but this phantastic element water, in which I felt so incredibly free. A deep contentment and happyness filled me. Tom cought up with us and we swam next to eachother. I, with no fins, no mask or swimglasses, Tom and the other guy equipped with all the gear. I took long regular strokes, the guys were crawling, a sort of swim technique, mostly used with gear. With their fins, of course, they were faster, but they stayed close by and waited for me. Once in a while some water would splash over my head and I would even swollow some of the water, leaving the bitter taste of the saltwater in my mouth.

I felt great! What a difference to swim out here in the open sea, where there seemed to be no bounderies, instead of in the limited pool aerea.

Also in Switzerland I preferred to swim in lakes instead of the confined area of a pool. But this was something different again: salt water instead of fresh water and an endless, huge playground for swimmers of all kinds.That I shared it with the sea creatures much more talented in the water than I was did also come to my mind. And I felt so grateful that they let me be part of their domaine and tolerated this foreign being as a guest.

Sometimes I turned on my back, keeping myself above water only by doing legstrokes. I glanced at the deep blue sky, now and then sprinkled with white clouds. „Can their be anything more beautiful than this? Can I get any happier than this?“ I asked myself. „This is paradise!“ I thought and felt one with this element water.

But then I looked to the shore. And from one second to the next I felt frightend. What I saw at the shoreline were huge waves crashing down on the beach. My being in peace and harmony with myself and the world came to an abrupt end.

Just then I heard my strange swimcoach say, „Whenever you like to go back in, just let us know.“ „Yes, I think I would like to go in.“ I gladly replied. „But how can we get back in, when the waves are so high?“ I wanted to know. „Don’t worry,“ the man reaussured me, „just stay close to me and I will show you.“

All three of us started to swim towards the shore. Slowly the waves started to become bigger and we could notice them in their up and down movment. Then the guide, who kept swimming next to me, shouted, “Turn around and look out to the sea, this wave we have to dive into, it is too big!“ I looked at a high wave rolling against us. I heard it’s roaring sound. But I did as instructed and sure enough, nothing happed to me, on the contrary, it was kind of fun. „And the next wave we use to glide as far ashore as it will bring us.“ The guy shouted again, because the noise of the crashing waves was quite loud. Also this went perfectly. „And now look out again“, the man said. „See, this is too high, again we will just dive through it.“ I plunged into this wave and it was really easy to do. The crashing water could not hurt me, because I was underneath, where it was smooth and calm. In this manner we managed to return to shore without any hustle. The smoother waves gently brought us to land. Indeed, it seemed pretty easy.

In the meanwhile all three of us were on land and the men laughed at me happily saying, „You did just great, wasn’t this easy?“ With a timid smile I admitted, „Yes, indeed. But because of your help. Thank you very much!“ I told the guys, especially this stranger. „I don’t know how I would have made it without you!“ I added gratefully. We walked back to Baby Beach and said goodby. Tom called after me, „See you tomorrow“. „Sure.“ I called back.

I have never ever seen my ocean coach again. I never even knew his name. He never came back to BB. His task was done. And I thought that he must have been sent from heaven for teaching me how to handle the waves.

In deed, I followed his instructions each time I went out to the big ocean and also when I had to get back on land through the crashing waves. And each time his teaching proved to work. I gained confidence. My fear was almost gone.

I went back to the big ocean even all by myself to practice to dive through the waves. And with each positive outcome I gained more and more confidence.

Four months later, shortly before I had to go back to Switzerland the waves were extremely high. But Tom and I went out to the open sea. I would dive through the high waves just as I was told by my guide. It worked just as well out there in the ocean as it did with the crashing waves close to shore.

As the wind and the underlaying currents were playing with the water, I was playing with the waves and felt like a dolphin. A deep joy and connection with the waterelement fullfilled me. Again, I felt one with it. And I could only guess how the creatures of the sea must feel, tumbling in their element. My fear was gone.

I had made peace with the waterelement.

„Let’s go back to shore, it’s too wild out here!“ Tom’s voice brought me back. We swam towards the land and only now I realized that a strong currant pulled us out into the open sea. I had to swim hard and use the force of the incoming waves cleverly to bring me closer to shore. But I still had no fear. And therefor I easely made it back to the beach. I had learned to trust my skills learned from this unknown teacher sent from the universe. Thanks to him! And I had arrived: on the other side of fear.